Contest

I'm going to enter a writing contest. For those of you interested, go to this link!

www.lauriestolarz.com

Hope you guys enter! the prizes are sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Breathing You (song)

It started with dream and then you turned around
there i was with my tears hitting the ground
you tried to hold me but i pushed you away
yet something inside you made you stay

how did we get here?

something is happening, something's not right
there's a burning desire, and my heart has taken flight.
please be faithful, please be true
i don't need this, i don't need anything but you

i watched your tailights fading
before i turned and ran away
these emotions spinning inside me
makes me want to say

my mind is beating against this
against you
this wouldn't be so hard
if i just gave in
in to breathing you

something is happening, something's not right
there's a burning desire, and my heart has taken flight.
please be faithful, please be true
i don't need this, i don't need anything but you

( i hope you guys like this! i'll work on it some more and post a video of myself singing later! Promise! I love you all!)

If you are interested

I have something posted on a website called Teen Ink. It's called "Restless" and i hope you rate it! Thanks!

http://www.teenink.com/poetry/free_verse/article/270365/Restless/

Demi Lovato - Here We Go Again - Music Video (HQ)

Favorite Song EVAR!

Me, myself and time
By:Demi lovato

p.s. my family says, when i sing, i sound a lot like her.. best compliment ever.. :)

I can make the rain stop, if I wanna
Just by my attitude
I can take my laptop, record a snapshot
And change your point of view

I just entered this brand new world
And I'm so open hearted
I know I've got a long way to go
but I'm, I'm just getting started

I'm over my head and
I know it, I know it
I'm doing my best
Not to show it, to show it

Whatever it takes to be
What I was meant to be
I'm gonna try
'Cause I'm Living the dream
And I know it, I know it

I'm trying my best
Not to blow it, to blow it
And I know everything will be fine
With me, myself, and time

And time... (7x)

I go where life takes me
but some days it makes me
Want to change my direction
Sometimes it gets lonely but I know
that it's only a matter of my perception

I just entered this brand new world
And I'm so open hearted
I know I've got a long way to go
but I'm, I'm just getting started

I'm over my head and
I know it, I know it
I'm doin' my best
Not to show it, to show it

Whatever it takes to be
What I was meant to be
I'm gonna try

'Cause I'm Living the dream
And I know it, I know it

I'm trying my best
Not to blow it, to blow it
And I know everything will be fine
With me, myself, and time

And maybe there's nothing like this moment
To just be real and let the truth be spoken
Whatever's broke I can make it unbroken
Turn the led in my hand into something golden

Just try, more love
If I just try, more love
Then I'll find myself in time

I'm over my head and
I know it, I know it
I'm doin' my best
Not to show it, to show it

Whatever it takes to be
What I was meant to be
I'm gonna try

I'm over my head and
I know it, I know it
I'm doin' my best
Not to show it, to show it

Whatever it takes to be
What I was meant to be
I'm gonna try
'Cause I'm Living the dream
And I know it, I know it

I'm trying my best
Not to blow it, to blow it
And I know everything will be fine
With me, myself, and time

(I'll find myself in time
I know I'll find myself in time)

I love it.. Demi is my hero!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally!

I have the right to now say i am in a relationship! ..... how many of you believe me? .... I am an awesome liar. but! i don't lie all the time. i just felt like putting that down to see how many of you reacted to it. a few of you might have been in shock, you know who you are.... ;) but now i must say, i am single. and very very happy! about it.. some days. but, look, i'm just blabbering on..! :) that's not the reason i came on here.... 

I do not, (repeat) do Not!!!!!!!!!! ever... want to see a fred or jason movie. if you know what i'm talking about, congrats! if you don't, well... i don't want to insult anyone here! ;) Halloween wasen't that bad, it was just really lame. but, the friday the 13th.. i hated it. it was good! too good, it scared me to death! before you call me a baby, i know it's not real, and it's just a movie, i am aware. BUT! just the idea of him showing up in your dreams is just freaky... think about it. seriously.

I never thought i'd say this, but i lost the joy in writing. .... let that sink in for a moment... for those of you who know me, you know i love love love to write. and i've won a few contests too. but, nowadays, i can't find my motivation. what's the point. at first, i thought it was writers block or something, so i set it down, and gave myself a month, but when i came back to it, i felt the same. i got scared... i really don't know what to do. i told myself last year, i need at least one book published before i die, so i need to finish this one. but, i really don't want to... i'm still trying to figure out what happened.. if you have any ideas.. please comment..

one destroyer

One of the things, that i hate. is getting sick. I currently have a sore throat, and i went to the library today, and i couldn't even say hi to my friend, cause i couldn't talk! sorry brandon! :)

other than that, my mom is being very protective of her room tonight because she's still wrapping presents. i don't get it. i'm 18. i asked for nothing this christmas. she still got me something. or i would be allowed in her room. agghhhh! :) got to love her...

people are sooo freaking rude.. ex. my aunt went to the store last week, with one of her babies, they have big heads, not sure of the reason but. i love them to death. their soo cute... :) but this one person, who apparently thought she was above everyone else, or she wouldn't do this, walked up to my aunt, looked at her baby, and said "What an interesting looking child" in a superior tone, and walked away... if i was there with my aunt, i swear, i would've beat the sh** out of that women! those kinds of people really piss me off.

lighter note. I walked into walmart, and those people who stand outside with their little bells, i feel bad, cause it was freezing tonight, i dumped my whole wallet into the little slot. well, not literally, but all the usless change i had went into the little red bucket. I felt soo good inside! i'm doing that more often! in fact, i'm going to scour my house for loose change, and dump it in the bucket. I'm a good person!!!!!!!


advice, do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! be a good person! there's only one person i know in my life ( hint: library) who has ever done anything good! and told me about it anyway.. He totally rocks!!!!!!!!!!!


Please be a good person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm broken

You.
you know who you are.
and i forgive you.

just please don't leave me..
i hate being alone.
unlike you...

but i show you the greatest respect i can give.

and i still love you.

don't delete me from your life.

Something from creative writing!

Before I Die
A poem inspired by book titles

Distant Waves
Man's search for meaning
the realm of possibililty
how beautiful the ordinary

how they met
the monster in me
an abusive relationship
how beautiful the ordinary

poison
all that remains
wintergirls
how beautiful the ordinary

because i am furniture
boy meets boy
impossible
how beautiful the ordinary

before i fall
a time for dancing
chasing tail lights
how beautiful the ordinary

speak
what they always tell us
cut
how beautiful the ordinary

radiant darkness
love is the higher law
you can't get there from here
how beautiful the ordinary

Work for this

Please
don't make this complicated
i hate drama

so...
you like being alone
well, who doesn't?
don't shut yourself out

i read your messages
and shift through your blogs
trying to figure out if your true
or if i'm just wasting my time

every time i see you
i have butterflies
when you look at me
my heart melts

i'm so far gone in your words
i wish you felt this way
your smile is...
i should stop.

i'm trying so hard,
        to work for this...

                     but i need your help.
               ... or is this all a game to you?...

My single battle

Must.Not.Eat.

If i eat
i feel fat
and my small pink mouse stomach
will be polluted, and i will
feel sick
empty=strong
every calorie
..i don't eat..
...i won't eat...
makes me that much
stronger.
104.00
then... 90.00
then...
85.00
i will shrink
and maybe
...hopefully..
dissapear altogether
or maybe i'll slip,
into dark...
just a whisper...
a.l.o.n.e.

Wintergirls

Your not dead, but your not alive. Your a wintergirl. Famous quote from an amazing insightful book. I've read this novel about 3 times, and each time i read, i get a deeper meaning from it. I understand the point of view, because i'm still stuck where Lia is in the beginning. I don't eat anything, and when i do, i don't eat much. I excercise daily, and, not proud to say, i'm puker, like Cassie was. Before i give this book away, for recommendation, you need to have a deep understanding on the subject of anorexia. It's a very emotional roller coaster, and you realize, when you start reading, you cannot stop. Under any circumstances, until the end. The second thing i like about this book, is that there is discussion questions at the end, so you can think about what it meant to you. You'll take a journey with Lia, and Cassie as the delve into their pretend world where they dance with witches and kiss monsters. They are wintergirls, frozen in a matchstick body. Make sure you have a tissue box, so you'll be prepared as you read the heart wrenching story of Lia and her battle with anorexia.

“Dead girl walking,” the boys say in the halls.
“Tell us your secret,” the girls whisper, one toilet to another.
I am that girl.
I am the space between my thighs, daylight shining through.
I am the bones they want, wired on a porcelain frame.
Lia and Cassie were best friends, wintergirls frozen in matchstick bodies. But now Cassie is dead. Lia's mother is busy saving other people's lives. Her father is away on business. Her step-mother is clueless. And the voice inside Lia's head keeps telling her to remain in control, stay strong, lose more, weigh less. If she keeps on going this way—thin, thinner, thinnest—maybe she'll disappear altogether.

In her most emotionally wrenching, lyrically written book since the National Book Award finalist Speak, best-selling author Laurie Halse Anderson explores one girl's chilling descent into the all-consuming vortex of anorexia.

crazy

So, black friday was a total bust this year.. except for all the freaks. My dad said he was stationed (i know, my mom got carried away!) at the waffle makers, and when they finally started opening them, this one lady grabbed like five or six. COME ON PEOPLE! ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS! Why in the hell, would you need six freaking waffle makers! The electronic section, was a total f**ing mess. I was kinda scared to go in there! Some guy was standing by the dvd section and throwing dvd's to people who wanted them. IT WAS A MADHOUSE!!!!!!!! Other than all the psychotic people, it was fine. We went home, and I stayed up watching Julian Smith on Youtube. Overall, it was a pretty good night. (Next year, i'm not buying anything. I'm just gonna sit there and watch the chaos). I recorded the whole thing so if you want to watch it, go to youtube and look up, The Joys of Black Friday. I swear it's soo funny!!!! So next year, i'm not buying, i'm watching. and for all you people out there who take like, five or six things, why? What is the point? Just get one, and leave the rest for others you need one! Really! Just do it! Next year, on black friday, i have some advice. BE CIVILIZED HUMAN BEINGS!

maybe it hurts

I wish we could all go through life without feeling rejected.. relationship wise, or anything else!

Alone

I wish the world would just leave me alone.. Stop shoving your thoughts and problems down my throat..
I cry alone in my room every night because of you. I'm not sure i can handle this anymore.. Please, leave me be.. Please. I am always the one who screws up everything.... Life, i'm sorry, but i don't think you can handle me..

Now, don't think this is a suicide note. Cause it's not. I'm venting.. totally stressed. Seriously, i'll be fine tommorow.. i think.

Poetry Samples

These are just a few of the poems in my binder..

"Thanks for the Memories"
Your letters, your romance
      the most believable.

He couldn't paint or play an instrument

Perfection has it's price
  explore
      without
          boundries
trust
   without
      fear

I count the minutes
until we meet again this evening
dear,
   you never called
What do you have to say?
Life doesn't have to be this hard
and i wished i had meant
            something
                   to you. 
---------------
"Paralyzed"
I tried to forget,
before the fear came, and creeped,
into my mind, leaving me with
hallucinations of you,
and of me.
they just, dissappeared
the moments of us.
where we laughed,
and we cried.
would we have been better off,
if we just didn't know if we belonged?
those special moments,
just let them,
linger.
----------------------
"The Dead American"
The tears slide,
down, and shatter,
on the ground.
the casket
seemed to glow.
i touched it
gently, so as to
not awaken
the dead.
the flag draped over it.
and billowing in
the soft wind.
the light brown polished top
holds an,
envelope.
 a picture of me
and father.
before he left,
this is our last goodbye.
-----------------------------
This next piece of writing is very personal. Kind of like my experiance in jr. high. and my relationship with people... Maybe some of you have felt this way. Please, no harsh comments..

"A Gentle Reminder"
She's not a problem
she's your daughter.
speechless
coping
Home is not where you live, it's where you come alive.
she has a dream
to die for
literally.
she looks to heaven,
and hopes to maybe,
someday.
Crossover.
She wants to escape
the survival of
real life
and experiance
the sweet nirvana
that comes with the rising sun.
she thinks she's ordinary
you tell her she's
extraordinary
you take her camping
and tell her each and every rock is
inspirational,
but she is a red rose with a twist.
let's meet in the lobby
and over a cup of starbucks
you told her this is love
a dream space with soul
you told her to live
and to live well.
she'd have to
try.

Torn Apart

This is what you wanted right?
For me to be left for dead...
To be torn apart...

You knew from the beginning,
before you betrayed me..
that i would go insane.

So why did you leave me?

Was it the guilt..
..or the lies...

Whichever it was,
       your now...
           and forever...

                   Free.
or so it seems...

The Ready Set - Love Like Woe (Video)

Say something right

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Starbucks Coffee Company

Starbucks Coffee Company

Tricked

The Hallows Eve air was filled with laughter,
but something else was forming.

My mind is becoming clouded,
with dark thoughts of this.

I'm becoming something i've never,
ever wanted to become.

Lock your doors, close the windows,
shut your drapes and curtains.

For when the full moon rises,
and your all fast asleep.

I'll slip into your dreams,
and you'll never wake up.

Something from my favorite book ever!

When you break someones heart
you also break your own.

Whenever i approach the truth,
you back away from it.

you don't want to know
but you should know.

the more you love me, the more i will ruin you
i will take my darkness and i will push it inside you

lying awake beside you
these thoughts go through my head

do not expose yourself to me
the last boy who did that ended up shattered

he could not stop asking me why?
he told me he loved me and i slapped him.

he thought i was playing but i wasen't,
i am that damaged.

forgive me for what i might do to you
the threat of my past is my future

i do not know if that can last, if i can overcome myself
you open your arms to me and i want to tell you not to.

i have done unforgivable things.


I don't take credit for this. I like it in this arrangement though. The book is called "The Realm of Possibility"

Something Random

Hey! Just something to get started.. I'll post more writing later... stuff you'll actually want to read. soo... Hope you like it!